“She” {a poem}

She told me I was stupid,
That I did not belong.
She hurt me for expressing life
And screamed if I was wrong.

She cursed me for my agonies,
She piled on endless pain.
She grappled with my sense of pride,
She made me change my name.

She beat me when I did not win,
If I was less than perfect.
She shamed me with my history,
She took my love and burnt it.

She warred with my identity,
She made me wear a mask.
She took away my inner peace,
She blamed me for my past.

She came to see me yesterday,
To reclaim her attack.
But who she saw within the mirror:
My reflection staring back.

Image © Mariann Martland 2014

17 thoughts on ““She” {a poem}

  1. Oh! The ending gave me the shivers! What a poignant glimpse you give here into the mind of one who has been emotionally abused. How true it is that the voice of the abuser eventually becomes our own. Thank you for sharing yourself so vulnerably, Mariann. And the self portrait is exquisitely dark and achingly beautiful.

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  2. Wonderful…like a song. Almost a scary nursery rhyme-ish feel to this.

    OK. Yeah…I would most certainly not mess with you. You are formidable. You will stand your ground…. whether the attack may be literally from the predator, or from the ghosts they like to leave behind. [The ones who have those nagging insidious voices that eat into your brain.]
    Thank you for sharing this piece with the bad ass picture….
    I almost feel like it’s alive…not a still photo at all. If I were to receive this look, it would stay with me for a very, very long time.
    But then, I hope to never see it sent my way, and I am no predator…..
    Nicely done…

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    • I don’t think I’ve ever been called formidable before! I certainly don’t feel formidable these days. And no, the look will never come your way. Not from me. I think it is only myself who receives the wrath of this stare unfortunately for me. Thank you so much for your continued support, it means such a lot. Mariann xx

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      • If you weren’t formidable, you couldn’t give this look, or even know it.. Only maybe turn it to those voices [from whoever, even if it's you] that tell you you’re shit/damaged/crazy/whatever. Maybe you already do…
        Someone asked me recently if I thought all my thoughts came from me/myself. Really, truly, my own beliefs. I said no. Some of them, I was taught. Some of them are an attack, however you want to read that.
        I have tried to stop giving that look to myself, my own original thoughts and beliefs, and give it instead to those thoughts/words/acts that are not “mine”….to stare those down, to stand them down.
        Sometimes I do well. Very well.
        Sometimes…well, not so much….
        I still need practice… :)

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  3. Gosh this gave me such an emotional jolt! Such fierceness in this look, such strength! This is all you, all yours. Such a fabulous writer Mariann, your blogs never fail to give me something to take away with me. Thank you xxx

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